Later...

Facing the black hole is fear personified. I am scared I will lose control of my bodily functions if I face the fear and pain that are covered by the rage. I cannot even want to want to go there. When the buffers of everyday life are removed, all that stares me in the face is the faceless chaos. It is not all bad. For the most part everything is fine. I love life and my family. But deep deep down there is an ocean of unpredictable chaos; a monolith of being disposable. And so I fight against the void…Selah