foolishness

My Dear Father

I have typically started the day in a way that will make it difficult to cope and recapture those few precious moments that I lost when I woke up. I am sorry. Now the day is upon me and I and constrained to dial down in a way that is much harder. Still I want to put aside all that hampers me and breathe you in and be with you because my life depends on it. There is no way fro me to function without it. You remain my lifeline, my reason for living and when I don’t connect with that loving embrace, I am poorer by an inestimable amount.

So I call you Father. I unite myself with your presence. You are overwhelmingly loving. You are so there. Your presence is my heart, my soul, my reason for being. Your love is the air that I breathe and if I don’t breathe you then I suffocate and no wonder I flail and struggle against annihilation because by my own omission I am in danger of dying. Lord, as I nudge outwards, looking backwards to the last moment I knew your presence, I I ask that you make it easier for me to find you. I set aside my fears – no! I do not. I confess my inadequate heart and it’s paralyzing fear to you and ask you to be in my moment. Yahweh! The eternal I Am. You are. Here. Now.

In this moment I choose to embrace your love. Let your peace engulf me, my redeemer. My saviour. You fetch me from the plains of indifference, where I numb my heart and dumb down my responses not to be overtaken by overwhelming terror. In you and you alone I am safe.

my/your appleheart

My heart

Like and apple

Eaten by fear

Mouthful by mouthful

Consumed by terror

Fear relishes my life

The juice of me

And I shrink

The essence of me

Fuel to the fear

Oh God

Keep me safe

Hold me safe

Protect my heart

Safe from shrinking into

Nothingness

Disappeared I am

Out of focus

Trembling on the brink

Of the void

I need you so

Your love

My apple

Shining before me

Gleaming with good

Gleaming with God

I eat you my God

I taste you are sweet

You nourish my heart

You feed my frail existence

I hold onto you

Like an anchor in the night.

warming me

My morning Father,

My morning Lord

My all-time creator

Tenderly I touch

Tremulously I try

To find your presence.

You are near

I know

You are here

And I must just tune my taste

To find that you are good

Again

Still

And always were and will be

Here is no part of you

That is not good

No corner

Crouching

All of you

Is my food

Is my nourishment

You feed my heart

On your ever-green love

You are a tree

That will always bear fruit

You are a river

That never dries

Sustaining always

Sempre

Always

O my heart

My inner core

My joy wells up

My heart awakes!

As I flush into glowing life

Again!