thoughts on denial

I have often thought of why it is so easy to cry about a beautiful sunset of some classical music, or to allow my heart to be melted by some poignant moment on TV in a series, when my heart is so numb to my real deep pain and anguish. Now that I am trying to reach my deepest heart to expose the roots of my anger, I find that I can't. This superficial release I suppose keeps me sane, but at the same time is the barrier between me and real emotional growth.

Sentimentality is the shadow of emotion. Real emotion released produces growth because it hurts. Sentimentality produces no life because it cooperates with the movement of death in us. Entropy. When we don't grow we do not stagnate, we die. Every opportunity missed for real growth is a tragedy. Denial is not stasis: it is an opportunity missed.

dunno...